Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay

I'm only about 60% done with it, but this book is the best I've read since Neuromancer and/or Slaughterhouse-5 (I read them both around five years ago). It is really incredible that it is fiction because the story is so real and vibrant that it feels like it must have actually happened. Absolutely no surprise that it won the Pulitzer. I'm tearing through it.

Pick it up!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Disquiet

The best word that I have ever found to describe my current state is Disquiet. It is from the title of a book, The Book of Disquiet, by an apparently unknown Portuguese poet named Fernando Pessoa. I bought this book a few weeks before I began dating the girl from the previous post, after having told her months before that I couldn't be just friends and then removed her from my life. I have yet to finish this book. I keep picking it up during times like this, and then dropping it when I yank myself out of my oblivion of self-introspection.

Disquiet is not quiet, yet it is not unquiet. To me, it means a low, almost imperceptible sound, heard in the background, that alerts one that something is not quite right in the world. The disquiet I hear, in my mind, is the sound resonating in the gap between who I am, where I am, what I am and the person that I pretend to be, both to myself and others. The last few years of my life has consisted of my (pathetic? Sometimes.) attempts to close that gap, to feel right with how things are and will be.

I acknowledge that I can not control the world; my dad said to me once that the absolute maximum you can control is the circle whose circumference is drawn by your fingertips as you spin around in place, with your arms outstretched. I think that's very true.

I hope my next great leap, into Medical School, make my world a little better. I think that it will, but who knows?

Frustratingly, when I am honest with myself, I believe that my sense of Disquiet will become inaudible only when I find The Girl. It could be that everyone is built like that. Only time will tell, I suppose.

The Past finds me due to weather problems in Philadelphia

Had a great vacation in Naples. It was good to see old friends and thaw. I hate returning and having to warm my hands every few minutes just to type out a blog post.

My return trip to KC was delayed in the Tampa airport. This delay precipitated a stunning "blast from my past."

While walking to use the restrooms before the airplane finally boarded, I think, *think*, I saw my ex-girlfriend sitting at another gate. Aided by a malaise of aimlessness during my senior year, a lack of social life brought about by studying, writing, applying, and interviewing for Medical School for about fourteen months, an unhappiness with my current job, and a feeling of fait-accompli with my life in Kansas City, I've yet to enter a serious relationship since that (THAT) relationship ended. I guess that has given me a half-sense of never being "over" her.

What is really frustrating is that, as I always do, I chose to walk away from the opportunity to 1) verify that it really was her (I only saw this girl from about 30yards away and noticed that she was flying to the home of the aforementioned ex) and 2) to be friendly and maybe even stop feeling angry/sad/confused/other teenage angsts about the whole affair. I have no interest in dating this girl again, but now, here I am, wondering if I was crazy to pass up the chance to say goodbye civilly. If it even was her. Crazy.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

News Flash

Thank you, science.

Gems from this article:

"[...] in men, the brain areas associated with handling tools and the intention to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis."

(Middle school humor) Gee, I wonder which tools the men were thinking of handling.  Tee-hee.

"Men also remember [bodies of women in bikinis] better that those of fully-clothed women"

(Dreamy voice)  Fascinating.

" [...] the research suggests that viewing certain images is not appropriate in the workplace."

Again, groundbreaking...

The best one:

"Many men make foolish choices because of sexual attraction."

Thank goodness we have these researchers.  I have no idea any of us would have come to this conclusion if we had simply looked at, say, the past five thousand years of human civilization.

I'll get of my sarcasm-horse here, and get on my rhetorical question-horse:  Do we really need to be paying people to make studies like this?  

Power of Mom

So, I had a discussion with my Mother about my very first blog post.  She thought my usage of the phrase "Jesus H. Christ" was insulting to Christians and/or Christianity.  I certainly was not trying to use it in such a fashion.  I may not be religious but I have nothing but respect for faiths and the faithful.  I guess that it is just a sentiment for which I don't feel a need (, yet? who knows).  In any case, if any one took offense, I'm very sorry.  

It is surely a testament to the tremendous power of  mother's disapproval (at least on a first born child) that I felt tremendously guilty - guilty enough to apologize on my blog, MY blog!  So, women, use your powers of motherhood wisely, please. 

I love you, Mom ;)

By the way, my friend Mark found an explanation as to why people (not just me!) use H. as a middle initial.  So, there you go...

Monday, February 16, 2009

New Title Bar

It's not long enough, and I have to fix those borders around the Gator symbol and text, but for a technologically and artistically inept person, that's not a bad start.

Adieu

C19-H28-O2

Just finished watching a somewhat interesting documentary on Testosterone. I think most people know that men have more than women, that high levels are usually associated with sexual and physical aggression, and that its levels go up and down throughout both male and female lives. However, a few things that I did learn:

1. There is a well supported theory that the level of testosterone that a child is exposed to in utero affects the second to fourth digit ratio. People who had higher levels of natal testosterone exposure have, stastically, a smaller second to fourth digit ratio. In other words, their ring fingers are longer than their pointer fingers. Following up on that idea led me to this article.

I'm not a big fan of basing intelligence and scholastic competence solely on SAT scores, but I will certainly acknowledge that there is a correlation. Smart people do better on those tests that non-smart people, despite all of the cultural and social inconsistencies inherit in the creation of the test.

Due to my undoubtedly testosterone-fueled ultra-competitive nature, I am quite happy to announce that my ring fingers are longer than my pointer fingers. I do however notice, that my left pointer finger is slightly shorter than my right pointer finger. I wonder what that means, if anything?

2. Testosterone levels in men decline once they get married. And more so once they have children. The theoretical guess to explain that is that committing to a relationship (marriage used to mean that) allows the male to redirect his energy and resources towards other goals than the mating competition.

The documentary either did not specify or I have already forgot what happens when men meet "the girl." I would think that testosterone levels would rise to make the man more competitive in order to get the girl.

3. Testosterone levels begin to rise in married men one year prior to divorce! So which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

4. I think that I had already heard this before, but maybe not: women nearer ovulation tend to find more attractive the faces of men with higher base levels of testosterone. Outside of that week-ish window, they prefer slightly more feminine faces. Hmm...

Well there you have it, my contribution to world knowledge. All I can say is, you're welcome.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Cherry 7-up

Seriously, cherry 7-up is awesome. It's the closest thing I can find to the absolutely, amazing, wondrous, delicious, watermelon flavored soda that they sold at Mi Apa in Gainesville.

I forget who, but one of my friends (I think Kim) brought me a twelve or twenty-four pack of that amazing elixer from Miami, where it's apparently sold in Cuban stores. I am forever in her debt.

Oh, Mi Apa!! Thinking about it makes me long for that awesome Ropa Vieja that they served. I sure wish I could find some Ropa Vieja here, but sadly, tis not to be.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

2-0

Suck it, Mexico. Go USA!!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

FDR

I just watched a very interesting documentary on the first half of Franklin Roosevelt's presidency. I learned, or relearned, some really neat things:

1) I guess that I really didn't know that polio completely paralyzed him from the waist down. So much so that, even while sitting down, he had to grab on to something because he didn't have the muscles in his butt to hold up his upper body. It's astounding, as well as a sign of the irrelevance of TV at the time, that at his death, hardly any of the public knew that Roosevelt could not walk. In all of those photos we see of him, smiling and vibrant, he is using rigid, metal, and painful leg casts. In addition, he supports one side with his cane and the other by grabbing on to someone.

I am astounded at that courage and will to persevere.

2) Whatever his private feelings on race, he was, at best, indifferent to the plight of blacks in the South. The excuse offered by some historians in the documentary, and one that the History Channel seems to smooth over as being OK, is that Roosevelt did not tackle segregation because he needed the Southern votes to quickly pass all of his New Deal legislations.

That is a shameful mark against him, in my book.

3) It appears, just using some of the numbers offered in the documentary, that for all the hoopla surrounding the New Deal, not much changed in his first two terms. Unemployment started at around 20% nationwide (an astounding number). After tripling taxes and overstepping the powers of the President (as ruled by the Supreme Court at the time) by essentially socializing the American economy with the National Industrial Recovery Act, unemployment had only decreased by around 5% by 1940, and the industrial and agricultural output of the country had barely changed.

Now, perhaps putting 5% of the country back to work in nothing to scoff at, but I had a now disproved notion that Roosevelt's New Deal was a great silver bullet that cured the Great Depression in the United States.

I will definitely need to read more on his Presidency, especially the first eight years. However, based on what I just heard and saw, it seems like FDR would not even be in consideration for the "best" President without World War II. His policies essentially failed during the first eight years.

More worrisome, and relevant to today, is that FDR's ideas and institutions for the New Deal sound a whole lot like Obama's proposed "stimulus" bill. In an admittedly broad summary, Obama proposes (FDR's parallel in quotes) to rebuild the nation's infrastructure (CWA, CCC, PWA), use the government to mandate the nation's industrial output (NRA), upgrade/modify how we create power (REA, TVA), and nationalize, at least in some sense, the banking industry (SEC).

I certainly want our economy to recover as quickly as possible, but this documentary certainly made me wonder if the Obama administration is not going about it in the wrong way.

PS. I realize that it's certainly not fair of me to criticize Obama or FDR, or even compare them and their policies, without being more versed on the histories and detailed policies of both. Just consider this the first in an argument that I'll have with myself on this blog.

tardy

I know its already old news (like, it happened over a week ago, oh my god), but I was just reflecting on how angry/sad/disappointed I was that we (as Americans) put up with parading a four star general, David Petraeus, out before the Super Bowl to FLIP A COIN.

They said nice things about him for about 10 seconds, had him flip the coin, and then the referee quickly shoved him out of the way to get down to the really important war, The Super Bowl.

In my mind, that image brought about this conversation snippet:
"We really appreciate your sacrifice, and by extension, every other military man's hard work. So much so that we would love for you to do the monkey job of flipping the coin before the Super Bowl. Does that pander enough to Americans' feigned sense of pride and interest in our military? It does?! Great! Now get out of the way."

Panem et circensus - bread and circus. This was once a criticism of Roman society, how it had detioraited to point where the government only sought to keep the masses appeased.

This Super Bowl "moment", along with the famously vast quantities of food and beverages consumed during the game, made we wonder if perhaps the United States are not more like the Roman Empire than we would think. Rome ruled its world for a time, then fell apart due to internal economic woes (e.g. the gap between rich and poor) and external wars that strained the economy. Is the American Empire in it's decline as well?

Friday, February 6, 2009

sunny today

It finally got a little warm today, nearly in the 70s. The Sun was out, just a few wisps of clouds. The trees and grass are still dead, but at least it's not a frozen, overcast wasteland here in KC, anymore.

A friend of mine left what was formerly our mutual employer this week. I'm happy for him because he liked work about as much as I do. Saying goodbye, I told him about my little med school secret. I wasn't trying to brag; mostly I wanted to let him know because we're gonna be playing on an outdoor team starting next month, and I'll be missing the second half of the season. Kinda feel like I ruined his moment of freedom though, as his destination is less "grand." At least, that's the way it looked like he took it. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut and told him later.

I'm terrible at keeping secrets; I walk around feeling like a liar when I have one. I won't have to keep my friends here in the dark too much longer, I suppose.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Haiku

soccer in the rain
dripping, smiling, one wonders
why play right now? dumb.

10th Circle

The 10th circle of Hell is having an 11:30PM indoor soccer game, playing like crap in said soccer game, being a key ingredient in your team's loss, and then having to come home and try to fall asleep at a reasonable time so that you can wake up tomorrow and go to your crappy-mcCrap job.

(insert fart-like noise made by sticking your tongue out and blowing)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Spain








Trying to arrange plans to go to Spain again this summer. I definitely want to become fluent in Spanish before I get too old. They say (who's they?) it's harder to learn as you get older. Anyway, here are some picture from my last trip 5 years ago. That sure makes me feel old.

J. Dash

I had the privilege of living with a really talented, funny, and intelligent dude during my senior year in college. He writes and produces music, amongst other things.

Before a few months ago, I'd never really listened to his stuff, even when I lived with him. Boy, was that a mistake. Check him out here or on iTunes. Don't download his music illegally or we'll both punch you.

On that link, my favorite song is Multiplicativerandomicitus-Polka Dot. It's crazy fun.

USA vs Mexico, 2/11/09

The United States Men's national soccer team starts the final round of World Cup Qualifying against their biggest and most (more?) talented rivals a week from tomorrow. I think this article may go a little too far, but the competition between "my" country and Mexico is certainly fun to watch and very evenly matched.

I do believe that Brazil vs Argentina is the biggest rivalry in international soccer, but I cannot think of many more that would qualify as bigger than USA vs Mexico.

Mexico is coming in having played very poorly during the previous round of qualifying, going winless (1 draw, 2 losses) in their final 3 games. Sven Goran Erikson had always seemed like a strange hire to me; these latest results sure haven't changed that opinion. Some of their top players (or rather, most hyped players) haven't been playing for their European club teams. Carlos Vela, Giovanni Dos Santos, Guillermo Franco, and Nery Castillo have been, at best, occasional starters for their club sides. That isn't good for their confidence or skill sharpness.

That being said, the United States' players comes in with playing problems of their own:
Heath Pearce: rarely leaves the bench for a Bundesliga.2 side.
Damarcus Beasley: doesn't even make anymore the bench for Rangers
Maurice Edu: this guy seemed like the real deal six months ago, but since moving to Rangers, he too has disappeared.
Jozy Altidore: moving to Villareal was definitely a good career move, but having him sitting on the bench for 4 months doesn't help the USMNT.
Landon Donovan: has said many times that he doesn't travel well. He didn't impress me at all during his brief playing time against Hamburg. As he's a guy with fragile confidence, I hope he and Juergen Klinsmann saw more positives than I.
Steve Cherundolo: He's been out with injury for a month at least now. We have a capable backup in Frankie Hejduk (woot!!), so this loss isn't as big a deal.

I can't say that I follow the Mexican players close enough to give a starting lineup. Here is my best guess at the US lineup next Wednesday, barring further injuries in the training camp:

----------------Howard---------------
Hejduk--Bocanegra--Onyewu--Pearce
-----------Bradley----Clark-----------
Dempsey----------------------Beasley
---------Donovan----------------------
--------------------Ching--------------

Bradley has, historically, not thrown any surprise lineups in big games, despite club form. The US has owned Mexico in home WCQ qualifying matches recently, but our left side in particular is a big worry. We may not win....

Jose Fransisco Torres is too green to start for Beasley, I think. Bornstein was at fault for the two US goals conceded against Sweden, so I doubt he'll start over Pearce. Kljestan had a great match against Sweden, but he isn't as defensive minded as Clark. It wouldn't shock me if he started over Rico, though.

We're not the best soccer country in the world, but this is my team, so I'll still be watching, despite my fears.

Monday, February 2, 2009

An interesting question

What would happen if you put a werewolf on the moon?

EDIT: ignoring the obvious lack of oxygen, would a werewolf ever change into werewolf form since he couldn't see the full moon? Or would he turn into a werewolf when he saw the full Earth? Someone should research this stuff.
Here goes blogging.

It strikes me as a supreme example of our me-me-me culture that people blog at all. A blog, in many cases, is like a giant journal that we (I) write in a public space because we (I) have deluded ourselves (myself) into thinking that other people are interested in our (my) lives (life).

Oh, wait, don't go. I just have to start out a blog like that because that way, even though I write entries, I can always look back and say "See, I always knew how conceited it was to write a blog! See! Jokes on you, sucker!" And no one will believe but me... but that's OK, because that's life.

So, in an effort to complete the first post: I am 24 year old male, currently working a pretty boring job in a place that is not my home. I love soccer, languages, learning, and acting aloof of all sorts of topics about which I actually know and care deeply. I start Medical School in August, back home in Florida. And, Jesus H. Christ, I can not wait.

Why do I want to put an H. between those two words. Did Jesus really have a middle name? I wouldn't know.